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MRS DEATH'S DAINTIE DITTIES
A PINT OF CONTRACEPTION

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CYRIL TAWNEY

A PINT OF CONTRACEPTION

 

The ladies liberation league are on the march again

Calling out for aural contraception pills for men  

But wise old mother nature shes had one for many a year

Cos she thought of reproduction when she invented beer.

 

Ch/ So ladies buy a pint for your fellow

      If you want your family to plan

      Whether it be, Whitbreads, Stones or Stella

      Buy a pint of contraception for your man.

 

The pill it works by stimulating ladies sex hormones

But ale has no effect on the manly testosterone

Its methods very simple it only last short term

Half a gallon of ale and you drown the bloody sperm

 

The side effects are few and very far between

Though his liver and his kidneys may turn forty shades of green

His nose will glow, his eyes will go a vivid shade of red

But youll always find a brewers droop when you get in to bed

 

It tastes better than the pill, not as painful as the coil

A lot less messy than that spermicidal oil

And if you dont believe and you treat my song with scorn

Why did they name a condom after Johnny Barleycorn?

 

Now the drink and drives against the law and thats quite rightly so

So brewers brewed a special ale with alcohol so low

Forget the family planning, though, for youll pay for your sins

A mate of mine drank Barbican and ended up with twins

 

Ch/ Now buy a proper pint for your fellow

       If you want your family to plan

       Whether it be Whitbreads, Stones, or Stella

       Buy a pint and try and stop one if you can.